All right, it’s time to admit that I’m flat-out terrified.
I’m terrified of finishing this book – SWEPT AWAY – because there’s a very real chance it’ll be just another novel I finished and couldn’t find an agent with. This isn’t my first novel. It isn’t even my second or third. And sometimes it feels like I’m in a holding pattern. Write, write, write, revise, revise, revise, finish novel, query, query, query, rinse, repeat. Every time I’m close to finishing a novel, I have this same experience, the one where I ask myself why. Why am I writing another book? Why am I bothering? Won’t this just be the same as the last time, and the time before that … and the time before that, etc. etc.?
I know I go through this every time. I think, what if this is it?, and then in the same breath say, it won’t be. It’s a defeatist attitude, yes, it is, but it’s the honest reason why I’m lagging on finishing the novel. I always get to this point and think, why should I keep doing this to myself? Why, why, why.
Probably in an effort to make myself even more defeatist, but possibly also as motivation to finish this novel, I re-organized and updated my QUERIES spreadsheet. I’m a spreadsheet nerd, and I started keeping track of my queries and the responses three novels ago. I had two before that so I went ahead and added them to the spreadsheet. It was my way of seeing my successes, seeing which agents requested what from me, who didn’t, and to hopefully kick me into gear with finishing this one. How? Well, if I have a tab on the spreadsheet for SWEPT AWAY with agents I’m anticipating querying, then maybe I’d work double time in writing and editing and revising.
Of course, nothing ever goes as planned.
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